


August

by Nomin_Ambassador



Series: shades of nomin [12]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Healing, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jeno deserves better, Jeno's ex is an asshole, M/M, Moving On, Unrequited Love, maybe not, not jaemjen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nomin_Ambassador/pseuds/Nomin_Ambassador
Summary: It was June. The sun was hot on Jaemin’s skin. He didn’t like it at all. Summer really was his least favorite season of the year.Inspired by Taylor Swift's August.
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: shades of nomin [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/933678
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	August

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninthdreamie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/gifts).



> it's been a while since I last uploaded a fic. i don't hate this as much as I hate my other works so I'm uploading it. this was supposed to be uploaded for jaemin day :>

_**It was June.**_ The sun was hot on Jaemin’s skin. He didn’t like it at all. Summer really was his least favorite season of the year. As much as he loved wearing light clothes and expose a little bit of skin, he was never fond of everything being so sunny and full of life.

Knowing that he had time left before his shift in a bookstore he works part-time, he entered a convenience store he saw on the way to buy a drink. It was empty except for the guy on the counter looking like he’d do anything to clock out early. The blond grabbed a cold bottle of soda inside the fridge and paid for it before leaving the store, squinting as soon as he was out because of the sunlight.

Cursing under his breath, he continued walking towards the bookstore. Fortunately, it was a slow Thursday. There are only a couple of customers inside the shop, looking through the display of the latest books from popular international authors. He greeted the person behind the register and went at the back to leave his bag on his locker.

He had not even tied the apron around his waist yet but he was already feeling the dread as he started his shift. It’s not like he had a lot to do around the store, he just had a few boxes to sort and shelves to arrange.

It hasn’t been 20 minutes of arranging some displays and a girl in pigtails, probably a middle schooler, approached him with a timid smile. “Can you tell me where I can find the entertainment magazines?”

Jaemin smiled back, pointing to her left. “They’re in F-4.” He simply replied, referring to the area where what she was asking for were being displayed. She muttered a short thanks and ran off.

He was about to go back to arranging books when he felt someone behind him again. When he turned to see if it was another customer, he saw a handsome guy probably around his age and height. The guy did not say anything but stayed in his place, looking a little lost.

“Can I help you with something” Jaemin offered seeing that the guy was probably looking for a book.

The raven haired nodded. “Recommend a book.”

It wasn’t unusual for customers to ask for recommendations but this guy didn’t look like he read books as a hobby. He didn’t even say his preferred genre or explain what he was looking for, which was what customers who ask for recommendations would usually say.

“Uh, what do you usually read? Are you looking for fiction books?”

“I don’t read. But I want to, so I don’t really know a genre I can start with. What do you usually read?” The boy replied, scratching his nape like he was shy to admit that it was his first time checking out books.

The bookstore staff gave him a small smile. “I don’t really read books as well. The manager told us to recommend romance fictions whenever someone asks, are you interested in them? I can get you our best-selling ones to choose from.”

The question made the other guy shake his head, nervously chuckling like Jaemin said something really odd. He wanted to feel apologetic, but he really didn’t know what he said wrong. He just hoped the guy didn’t think he was offending him for offering books that only female customers would normally purchase.

“I’m not exactly looking for romantic shit right now. I just went through a breakup so I’m looking a book to start a new hobby.” He explained, eyes not meeting Jaemin’s own.

The part-timer didn’t know what to respond to that. _Was he supposed to say sorry? Sympathize? He couldn’t possibly give him a hug, could he?_

“How about you? How do you usually cope with a heartbreak?”

Jaemin was caught off guard for the second time around. He didn’t expect he’d ever be asked for a recommendation that could distract anyone from their heartaches. It had been awhile since he last had a relationship.

His first boyfriend was Mark, a neighbor of his back in his hometown, during his junior year in highschool. The other was a senior, and they mutually decided to break up in Jaemin’s last year in highschool and his ex’s first year in uni. Mark left to study in a city 4 hours away from home, they couldn’t find time for each other so Jaemin already saw the break up coming. They’re still friends and see each other during school breaks.

The second and last relationship he had was in his sophomore year in college with a guy that was in a few of his classes. They didn’t last long, the guy asked Jaemin out during a frat party they were invited in and he honestly just said yes because he was a little drunk and didn’t want to embarrass the guy in front of his friends. He still tried to make it work, but after three months of still not being comfortable around the guy, he decided to break it off as well.

It had been a year after the breakup and Jaemin had never been in a relationship since then, already busy with school and work, finding a partner was the least of his priorities.

“I haven’t been in a relationship in like a year, and the last relationship I had was not even that serious so I wouldn’t remember if I was actually hurt when we broke up. But I do like watching the sunset when I’m upset. That, or I play video games.” He rambled.

The guy seemed satisfied with his suggestions, putting his hands inside the pocket of his jeans before smiling at Jaemin. “I guess I could do that. Thank you! I’m Jeno by the way.”

“Right. Jeno. Yeah, my name’s Jaemin if you haven’t seen it on my nameplate yet. I hope I was helpful.”

* * *

Jaemin never saw the guy, Jeno, again. He never came back to the store so Jaemin figured he really crossed reading books out of the list of things he could do.

It was exactly two weeks after that encounter and Jaemin was on his way to his last class for the day. He was running late so he had to walk fast in order to arrive in the lecture hall before his prof does. Truthfully, he doesn’t attend this class that much because it’s the class right before his shift and he knew that subject’s professor’s lectures are all taken from a book he reads at the store, but now that he decided to actually go, he doesn’t want to be late at the very least.

He pulled the strap of his bag tighter as he stepped inside the lecture hall, already brimming with students that he certainly was not familiar with. He could recognize very few faces, blockmates from other subjects who were kind enough to include him in group works when he’s not around. They knew Jaemin would do his part anyways, so they usually just email him the things he needs to work on and remind him to come to class when it’s their turn to present. That’s basically how he was still passing.

Although he had worked with them countless of times already, he still wasn’t friends with them, so he just gave them a smile when he passed by their seats and went far behind the class where the seats were totally empty.

The professor came a few moments after Jaemin settled in his seat. He shouldn’t really have hurried; the guy was walking quite slowly despite his class already starting late. He didn’t even do a roll call and just went to open his book and started talking about his lesson for today. Jaemin sighed as he was already feeling drowsy, but jotted notes on his notebook nevertheless.

It was uneventful, until Jaemin heard the backdoor of the lecture hall opening and someone taking the seat next to him. To his surprise, it was Jeno.

“Hi, we met again. I didn’t know you’re taking this class.” The raven haired smiled politely, taking out his own pen and notebook and started paying attention to class like he didn’t just come in late.

Jaemin blinked at him. It wasn’t surprising that the other guy goes to this university as it was one of the biggest in this city, not as big as the universities in the more urbanized cities but it does accommodate most of the students in the area, including neighboring towns such as Jaemin’s. It wasn’t surprising they didn’t notice each other in this class as well, Jaemin being absent a frequent case.

“My shift’s right after this so I usually don’t attend.” He explained simply before going back to writing down the things the teacher had just said.

The two of them didn’t really talk after. They were the only students sitting at the very end of the hall, so Jaemin didn’t understand why the other chose to sit next to him. He probably didn’t want to sit alone.

He felt his sleeve being tugged, so he looked to his left and saw Jeno’s eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry, I forgot to bring my glasses. I can’t see shit from here so I usually sit at the front. I was late today though. Can you possibly lend me your notes?”

Jaemin nodded absentmindedly. Well he did copy most of the things that were discussed and it’s not like he needed them that much. “I can leave this to you later. I don’t think we have any exam coming up soon anyways.”

For the first time since they met, Jeno’s smile reached his eyes. Jaemin had to catch his breath.

**It was beautiful.**

It’s weird to think about the smile of someone you just met, so Jaemin had to avert his eyes and look upfront, scrambling to add a couple of terms their professor had mentioned.

No words were exchanged between them until the end of the class, Jaemin silently passing his notebook to the other boy while they were packing up their things. “Here. It doesn’t have much, but I think I’ve written everything that was discussed today.”

Jeno carefully stacked the white notebook on top of his own and kept them inside his backpack, lifting the bag off his seat before handing Jaemin his phone. “Here, add your phone number.”

“What for?” The slightly taller guy shyly asked, already reaching out to type out his number on Jeno’s phone.

“Silly, I need to return this to you of course. Thanks! I’ll message you once I’m done copying.” He tapped Jaemin’s arm after he got the phone back which he kept in his jean’s pocket.

“Sure, no problem. I’ll get going then, still got a shift at the bookstore. See you around, Jeno.” He mused, waving to the raven-haired goodbye.

“Yeah, see you around. ”

If the both of them started texting, it wasn’t Jaemin’s fault. The slightly older guy messaged him the day after they met at school, asking if Jaemin works at the store during tuesdays which he replied yes, because as a matter of fact he works a full shift during tuesdays. Jeno informed him that he would probably be able to drop by Tuesday the following week, after he’s done with school.

The said boy came 5pm sharp on the date set, carrying Jaemin’s notebook and a starbucks cup of Jaemin’s death drink, an information he got from the bookstore staff that morning of the same day. He said it’s to thank the younger for lending him notes which Jaemin finds unnecessary.

He didn’t stay long, having a meeting to attend for his org’s upcoming activity. Before leaving, he asked Jaemin if he’ll be free on Sunday and having not much to do, the taller male said yes. Jeno then asked him if he had a bike, to which he also nodded. The older smiled, telling Jaemin that he will send a text later in the evening about whatever he was planning.

The plan turned out to be a biking along the famous bike park in their town. After texting about random things the whole Saturday, Jaemin realized Jeno enjoys biking a lot. He didn’t even know why he agreed to come with the other guy, considering that they met not long ago and only started getting to know each other after realizing that they shared a class. But he guessed doing some exercise won’t be too bad. He was done with his homework anyways.

Jaemin barely had any friends in college, save for a couple of highschool friends who are studying at a university far from their hometown, Jaemin didn’t really have anyone to hang out with. He used to play a lot of games with Mark when they were younger, but now they don’t even talk that much.

With an old bike that he has been using since high school, Jaemin came to their meet-up place. He wasn’t familiar with the park, he rarely goes out of his apartment since he started college and it was neither near his school nor his work so he doesn’t really pass by this area, but it was nice.

The park was full of budding flowers, the weather was great for outdoor activities and the sun wasn’t too hot. There were several couples and families having picnic, children running around, people walking their pets.

He chose to seat on a park bench and texted Jeno that he was already there before adding his exact location. He did not receive a reply so he was guessing Jeno was already on the way. A few minutes passed and he finally spotted the raven-haired with his white mountain bike. Jeno looked like a pro with complete gear and all while Jaemin’s just wearing sweatpants, a black shirt, and his old helmet.

The older got off his bike and waved, wearing an apologetic smile as he removed his helmet. “Sorry, I had to run an errand before coming here.”

“Don't worry, you’re just right on time, I just came a bit early.” Jaemin assured him with a small smile. “Are you familiar with this terrain? I haven’t been able to use my bike that much after high school and I’m new to this part of the city so you’ll have to help me a bit.”

He heard the other male chuckle while clasping his helmet back and adjusting his gloves. “Last time I’ve been here was around March, but yeah I am pretty familiar with this terrain. It’s.. it’s his favorite.”

Jaemin saw Jeno’s smile fading like he remembered some memories he shouldn’t be remembering, so the blond averted his eyes and just chose to get on his own bike like the other did.

Jeno started ahead of Jaemin, but made sure to look back once in a while to check the younger. They passed another park in the first 30 minutes of the ride, then a bridge. After a while, the wind started smelling like salt.

Next thing Jaemin knew, they were already passing the shore. He halted when he saw Jeno slowing down and getting off his bike. There was a white concrete barrier preventing people from falling in the water, but it was thick enough that you can sit on them. Jeno sat on it, facing the sea, Jaemin followed suit.

The sea looked so calm, the sun was setting in beautiful hues of orange and purple. It wasn’t that humid and it was peaceful. Jaemin loved it. Jaemin could’ve fallen in love with the moment more if Jeno didn’t look so lonely.

He was staring at the sea like it stole something from him. Jaemin’s pretty sure Jeno’s thinking about his ex-lover.

“Sorry for taking you here. I just missed coming here and I couldn’t muster the courage to come here alone.” Jeno started a small smile on his lips but he looked pained. Longing.

Jaemin’s eyes never left the sea, staring intently at how the sun was kissing the water and how the sky bled purple. “Did you use to take him here a lot?”

The raven-haired nodded, his eyes shining, reflecting the waves that are softly hitting the shore. “He likes the sea, so I spent a lot of time mapping out a bike terrain that would have the shore as the end point. We used to come here every weekend, sometimes we won’t take our bikes and just ride the bus or use my car to go straight here because he’s always excited to see the ocean.”

“He loves the summer because it’s always the best season to spend as much time as he wants just looking at the sea without catching a cold. It would’ve been our third summer together if he didn’t break up with me three months ago.”

Jaemin could hear a crack in his voice, surely holding back from tearing up while reminiscing his past relationship. The younger couldn’t remember what love was, what a heartbreak feels like, but hearing Jeno talk about someone so precious to him made Jaemin feel like he understands the feeling of loving and losing that love.

  
“Can you tell me why you broke up? If you don’t mind.” He requested, now looking at Jeno’s face. The latter’s shoulders were slumped, fingers picking on the hem of his cycling shorts while swinging his legs.

He heard a sigh. And then another. He was about to tell Jeno he didn’t need to tell him if he’s not comfortable with sharing it to him but the older spoke before he could open his mouth. “We really didn’t think we’d take this relationship seriously. We met at the start of the first semester of our freshmen year. Shared a few classes. Started hanging out. Then one night, during a party we both attended, I was drunk and asked if I could kiss him. He said yes.”

“That was around the end of the second semester. We knew we liked each other at that time. I can’t remember who confessed first, probably me. We didn’t make it official until the next sem started. I was his first boyfriend so he had some trouble accepting that he liked boys. My mom accidentally saw his picture on my phone when I went home during Christmas last year, she made me promise to bring him home.” There was a smile on Jeno’s face still and Jaemin thought he was amazing. For being able to share those moments with someone he barely knew.

“I told him that. We fought. Said I shouldn’t have told my mom, said we weren’t that serious for him to meet my family. It hurt, him saying that. I was sure of him you know, I was so sure of him. I said I understood, apologized, and didn’t bring it up again. He grew colder though, I thought he was still mad so I tried my best to make it up to him. I felt like walking on thin ice whenever I was with him. He’d get mad over the smallest things and start a fight with me. People started telling me things, my friends, some acquaintances; they told me things about him.”

He paused and looked down. Eyes watery, hands shaking. He looked like he was having trouble breathing. Jaemin didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to calm Jeno down. He slowly reached for Jeno’s hands, enveloped them inside his warm ones to stop them from trembling. “It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me more. We can stop here.”

Jeno shook his head firmly, but didn’t try to pull out of Jaemin’s warmth. It took him a few deep breathes to continue. “Some of them were my friends from high school. I was really close with them and I know they wanted what’s best for me. They told me they saw my ex with someone else. Another guy, definitely older. They said they saw him being dropped off, saw him kissing the driver before exiting the car. I didn’t believe them and accused them to making it up so I would breakup with him because they didn’t like him.”

“I fought with my friends for him, I shut them out. I never asked him about it because I didn’t want him, to think that I didn’t trust him. One day he asked me to meet. I was so excited because he never asks me to meet with him. It’s always me who asks him to hang out. Dressed up nicely, even brought him flowers. Roses, they’re his favorite. I thought we’d have a great time, but as soon as I sat on the chair inside our favorite café, he told me that we’re probably better off as friends. That maybe our relationship wasn’t working out how he wanted it to.”

Fresh hot tears started falling out of Jeno’s eyes. He was still looking down, but Jaemin was staring at him so intently he couldn’t have missed the trail of tears on his face. His shoulders were shaking along with his trembling hands. The blond knew Jeno was trying to keep everything in, but he couldn’t help but let out a sob.

“And then… and then I waited for him outside his building a week after that. I was willing to beg. I was ready to get down on my knees just for him to take me back. But I saw him. With that guy my friends told me about. The guy came to fetch him after class, he brought roses too. They were white, his favorite color. He looked so happy seeing that guy and came running to hug him. Then they kissed. They got inside the car and drove off. I was left there standing like an idiot for hours. I couldn’t believe it, until now, that he was cheating on me. I was so sure I was going to spend this lifetime with him. Now, everything that I ever wanted and dreamed of, they’re gone.”

It was truly heartbreaking, the way Jeno looked small curled up, crying. Jaemin decided it wasn’t his favorite look on him.

He liked it more when Jeno’s confused, looking a little lost trying to find books he’d could try readimg. He liked it better when Jeno’s looking at him with hopeful eyes, trying to borrow his notes. He liked it best when Jeno smiles, the genuine one, the one that reaches his eyes.

“Can I… Can I give you a hug?” He asked, not wanting to scare the other off. Jeno didn’t answer right away, but eventually nodded, not having the energy to use words.

Jaemin wrapped his arms around his shoulders tightly. His grandmother always told him he gives off warmth, he wished to give some to Jeno at that moment. It wouldn’t take the pain away but he was hoping it could comfort him at least.

The sun had long set, the stars and moon now decorating the sky. The breeze was not as cold as Jaemin expected it to be. He didn’t even notice he was already humming a song. It felt forever when Jeno’s sobs finally mellowed down, the trembling gradually stopped, but he didn’t try to get out of the hug.

“Do you feel a little better?” Jaemin tried, guessing it was time for them to leave. He brought his arms to his sides, moving back to give the older some space.

Jeno wiped his face with the fabric of his long sleeves, trying to fix himself before nodding and standing up to get to his bike. Jaemin thought he’d want to go home but Jeno quietly asked if he wanted to eat dinner, and he didn’t have a heart to decline.

It took them a couple of minutes to reach a nearby convenience store which had round tables and chairs outside. They didn’t really talk, but Jeno followed Jaemin to the ramyun isle, the latter picking two classic ramyun packs, some sausages, and a bottle of water for him since Jeno was able to pack his water. Jeno insisted on paying, but Jaemin was fast to hand his money before he could reach for his wallet. He asked the older to wait for him outside as he filled the ramyun bowls with hot water, and brought them to the table that Jeno chose to occupy using a tray.

Jeno still looked a little shaken up when Jaemin reached their table. His eyes were puffy and all red, but managed to offer the younger a small smile when Jaemin finally took a seat in front of him. Jaemin nudged a bowl towards Jeno and handed him a pack of sausages and a pair of disposable chopsticks without muttering a word.

They ate in a comfortable silence, there was a mutual understanding not to talk about what happened earlier.

“Sorry to keep you out this late, I know I wouldn’t have the appetite to have dinner alone if I get back to my apartment without eating.” Jeno started, his tone apologetic.

Jaemin stretched his lip into a smile, and shook his head. “It’s fine. I’d probably forget to eat if you didn’t ask me to have dinner with you.”

“Sorry for uh, for earlier too. You probably didn’t expect to see me like that, I just couldn’t help myself.” Jeno added quickly.

The blond’s smile widened. Some people said his smile was warm, assuring. He hoped Jeno thought so too. “You shouldn’t apologize for that. You were in pain and I asked you to share something personal. I know it was hard for you to tell me all that, but I hoped being able to let it all out helped unloading some of the burden.”

“It did. Thank you, Jaemin.”

**It was the first time Jeno’s smile reached his eyes that day. If it made Jaemin feel things, Jeno didn’t need to know.**

* * *

Jeno texted Jaemin if he was free for a movie night. The younger didn’t hesitate to reply with a yes. He enjoyed hanging out with Jeno, and he was indeed free so what’s the harm?

They’ve been constantly planning things together after that weekend. They’ve tried other biking spots and Jaemin found himself ordering biking equipments and gears online that definitely hurt his savings, but at least it was a healthy hobby. They started playing mobile games too, always finding time to team up and play after finishing up their homework during school days. On days that Jaemin needs to work, Jeno would drop by the bookstore to bring a cup of coffee for the younger. Jaemin thought it wasn’t normal for friends to do that, but Jeno reasoned out that it was a small gesture to thank Jaemin for always being there to listen to him.

He immediately received another message from the older that says they could get dinner before heading to the cinema. It was a Saturday afternoon and Jaemin had work, but he could clock out at 5 and still have time to head back to his dorm and take a shower.

Thankfully, there weren’t many customers that day, he was able to get off work without his boss asking for an overtime. He quickly walked back to his dorm to wash up and change clothes. Jaemin took the bus to the fastfood joint where they decided to eat. He immediately spotted his friend sitting near the window, dressed in black pants and white tee, a denim jacket resting on the empty seat beside him.

He was already beaming at Jaemin, and the latter couldn’t help but grin as he neared the booth. “I was going to pick you up but I forgot to ask where your dorm is.”

Jaemin blinked at him. Pick up? “You have a car?”

“I don’t really use it here because the campus is like 20 steps away from my apartment so I leave it at home. I drove it back here when I went home last week so we can use it today.” He explained.

“Why do we need your car though? The cinema is pretty close.”

The older smiled and got up. “You’ll see. Now tell me what you want to eat, I’ll go order.”

Jaemin didn’t press further and told Jeno his order before he went to the counter to get their food. It didn’t take him long and got back with a tray full of food. They finished their meal fast, sharing how their day went like they weren’t texting just hours ago.

After exiting the restaurant, they walked towards Jeno’s black ford ranger. “Are you sure you know how to drive?” Jaemin joked while fastening his seat belt.

The older just let out a breathy chuckle and started backing up. “Don’t worry, I got you.”

They drove for about 20 minutes before Jaemin saw a wide screen set up in an open space. There were already quite a number of cars parked. The younger stared in awe as Jeno passed a small store selling snacks at the entrance of the cinema. The raven-haired ordered some popcorn, fries, and drinks handing them to Jaemin who still had his mouth hanging open. He saw Jeno taking out two tickets, handing them to the guy manning the booth at the entrance of the park space.

“Is this really a drive-in cinema?” Jaemin asked, eyes wide. The older probably found it amusing that he was so shocked about a drive-in cinema and Jeno couldn’t stop grinning.

“This has been operating for a decade. I can’t believe you haven’t been here! I figured you’d like it here knowing that you enjoy watching movies.” Jeno explained, easily parking at their designated spot. He turned the engine off and unbuckled his seat belt, before taking their food and drinks from Jaemin’s arms. “Come on. I prepared pillows and a blanket at the back.”

Jeno got off the car and Jaemin scampered to follow him. Indeed, there was a nest of small pillows and a throw blanket neatly arranged at the truck’s cargo bed. Jeno’s already settled on the left side, arranging the pillows so Jaemin can sit comfortably, their snacks in between so they can share.

“What are we watching?” Jaemin remembered to ask after he climb up the cargo bed, adjusting the throw blanket on top of his and Jeno’s legs.

“That’s the charm of this cinema. They never announce the movies they’ll be playing, they just open every weekend and people come without knowing what’s going to be shown to them. Still pretty popular despite only playing classics.” Jeno supplied, eyes scanning the rows of cars parked in front of them.

The lights dimmed and the screen started playing a short clip reminding everyone not to make noise or flash any kind of light when the film starts to avoid disturbances, then the film began to roll.

Before Sunset directed by Richard Linklater is what the credit says. Jaemin never heard of this film before but he remembered seeing the male lead from the Dead Poets Society.

They continued to enjoy the film while consuming their snacks, not sharing a single word obviously too engrossed in the leads’ dialogue exchange.

In the middle of the movie Jaemin started feeling cold, pulling his knees to his chest and fixing the throw blanket to keep himself warm. He didn’t think it would get pretty chill outside, the trees around the area was probably keeping the place cool despite the fact that they’re in the middle of summer. This didn’t go unnoticed by his friend who immediately took off his denim jacket.

“Here, take my jacket. You look cold.” Jeno offered, placing the jacket around Jaemin’s shoulders. He also cleaned the empty food containers placed between them and shoved them at the corner.

He moved closer, hoping to share some body heat. Jaemin felt his cheeks heating up with how close the other was. He was thankful it was too dark for anyone to notice.

The film was good, so good Jaemin mentally noted to buy a copy so he can rewatch it. The credits were already rolling and Jeno was stretching besides him but he didn’t move an inch, still deep in thought.

“Jen, do you believe in fate?”

Jeno looked at him, confused. “What made you ask that?”

“They didn’t meet at the place and time they set and everything’s a mess but they did end up together right? Must be fate.” Jaemin muttered, more to himself.

The older guy paused, probably thinking about what he said. The cars around them started to head out, it was too noisy with children screaming and people chattering about the film, but the two of them were lost in their own bubble.

A moment passed before Jeno spoke, eyes on his lap like the stain on his jeans from the mustard in the fries that they ate earlier was the most interesting thing in the world. “No matter how many times fate brought them back together, it was still their decision to stay. Fate gives us the chance, the choice is ours to make. I don’t think there are people who are fated to end up together as there are no pairs fated to go separate ways. Conscious decisions.”

He got off the cargo bed and offered a hand to Jaemin which the younger hesitantly took. They silently cleaned their trash and got inside the car. The drive back to his dorm was quiet, only the songs playing on the radio could be heard. The only exchange they shared was when the blond muttered the direction to his dorm. He could hear Jeno’s thoughts but he didn’t want to make him talk about it if he didn’t want to.

Jeno met his eyes for the first time after they left the cinema when he stopped his car in front of Jaemin’s dorm building.

“Thank you for tonight Jen.” Jaemin muttered while unbuckling his seatbelt. “I had fun, I enjoyed the movie too.”

Jeno nodded, smiling _. It isn’t reaching your eyes._ Jaemin wanted to tell him.

“I had fun too, Jaemin. Good night.”

* * *

**It was August and warm**. Too warm for Jaemin’s liking but he didn’t have a choice. Jeno dragged him here, in a college frat party he had been trying to avoid going. He didn’t know why people would organize a party in the middle of the semester. 

The venue was packed with sweaty bodies sharing drunken conversations.

There were people playing games at the pool when they arrived, some were diving with their clothes still on. The music was so loud Jaemin could feel his head starting to ache before they could even get themselves a drink. It was just a little past 11 when they reached the kitchen after stopping a few times to greet some of the people ~~Jeno~~ they know. There was an array of alcohol bottles on top of the kitchen counter, two big bowls situated in the middle containing suspicious pink liquid with stacks of red plastic cups. They helped themselves with the drinks and found a spot in an empty couch.

“You updated your app yet? The new heroes are so cool.”

“Not yet. I haven’t been playing that game for a week now.”

“Why not? You’re missing the fun!”

They were loudly discussing about the mobile games they like playing. It was an interest they shared, often finding themselves texting about the games they play. They would even sometimes sync their schedule to find time to play together.

Jeno would always be as excited when Jaemin mentions about games, but now he looked like his attention was elsewhere. The younger noticed he was restless, eyes scanning the crowd obviously looking for something. **Someone.**

As much as he would like to deny it, Jaemin knew who Jeno was looking for. He knew the latter insisted on coming because he heard about his ex being invited. He knew he only invited Jaemin for support, not because he wanted to have fun with him tonight.

The blond eyed the dance floor, sipping on his cup. He didn’t know what he looked like. Jeno never showed him his picture. Jeno didn’t describe his appearance, never talked about him again after that day he cried.

He knew nothing about that person, but Jaemin knew he’d recognize him. He’d recognize him through the familiarity in Jeno’s eyes.

The alcohol was burning his throat, he didn’t really like drinking. It had been awhile since he last went to a party. He’d only go because of the seniors in his department who would always try to make him come, but they graduated last year.

There were people who approached them to start small talks. Jeno would entertain them for a while, Jaemin would just offer a shy smile. They’d leave and the two would be in silence again.

With an empty cup, Jaemin stood up and told Jeno he’ll get a refill. He found an open bottle of vodka lying around the kitchen, so he poured some on his cup before filling it up with what they were drinking earlier. He suddenly felt like wanting to get drunk.

He tried his drink and scrunched his nose when he felt the bitterness lingering on his tongue. He quickly emptied the remaining half. He repeated the mixing process and downed another cup. He was starting to get dizzy on his fourth cup and his drink wasn’t as bitter as it was before so he decided to pour more of the vodka, not bothering to add some of the sickeningly sweet pink mixture.

People would throw weird glances at him but they would avert their eyes and hurry to get their drink without saying a word to him. He didn’t care.

Jaemin lost count of how many cups he managed to finish before he dragged himself out of the kitchen. He had an arm extended to reach for the hard surface of the wall, not wanting to bump into anyone knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep himself upright.

He didn’t spot his friend when he reached the couch. There was an unfamiliar group occupying the space, so he forced himself to focus his eyes on the crowd hoping he’d locate where Jeno was. When he couldn’t find the slightly older boy anywhere near, he stumbled out of the house pushing some bodies blocking his way. Thankfully, most of them were too drunk to complain.

Jaemin found himself in an empty street save for the cars parked outside the residence. The music was not as loud; it didn’t smell like sweat, it wasn’t as suffocating. He flopped himself on the pavement, closing his eyes to try and calm himself down. Possibilities of where Jeno was flooding his thoughts. Jeno could still be inside, he could’ve just gone to the bathroom. The raven-haired could’ve gone home, he thought that would’ve been better. Deep down, he knew Jeno might be with his ex now. They could be talking at the moment. Jaemin was aware that was what Jeno planned to do.

He wasn’t sure if the latter wanted to ask his ex to get back together, just the thought of them fixing their relationship was already sending a sharp pain to his chest.

He should be wishing the best for Jeno, he should want his happiness. _Was it really selfish for him to wish it was him making Jeno happy?_

He couldn’t even bring himself to cry. He felt pathetic.

Jaemin brought his knees to chest so he can lay his head on them, still with his eyes closed. He could call Jeno now and ask where he was but he wasn’t ready to receive the answer he didn’t want to hear, so he stayed there. Alone.

He probably fell asleep because he felt a hand of his shoulders, shaking him awake. The blond looked up only to see his friend's worried face. “What in the hell did you drink? Where did you go?” He asked the younger who looked dazed. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

Jeno pulled him up and held his arms to steady him. Sensing that Jaemin could walk by himself, he gently pulled the younger towards his car and assisted him when he climbed up his seat before striding to the other side of the vehicle to take his place in the driver’s seat.

“Can we get food? My stomach hurts.” Jaemin murmured while Jeno was starting the car.

“Is McDonald’s fine?”

The blond-haired nodded before looking out of the window. “Where did you go earlier?”

“I saw him.” Jeno easily confessed. “He was there.”

It wasn’t like Jaemin wasn’t expecting this, but he probed further. “Did you talk?”

“We did.” The raven-haired whispered, like he didn’t want anyone else to hear.

Jaemin smiled to himself. Jeno was avoiding the conversation, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know how it went. He wanted to know why Jeno was going home with him instead of driving his ex home. “What did you talk about?”

He saw the older’s grip on the wheel tightening. “Why do you want to know?”

“Want to hear you say he didn’t take you back.” The younger sneered before he could stop himself.

“He didn’t. Are you happy now?”

“I like you.”

He wasn’t supposed to say that. He wasn’t supposed to burden his friend with his feelings. He was supposed to stay at the sidelines supporting Jeno with his healing process. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

He wasn’t expecting for Jeno to reciprocate his feelings. He could live with just being a friend. He just wanted it to be known that Jeno didn’t need to beg for love from someone who didn’t want him anymore because he was there. Jaemin was willing to give him everything.

It was silent inside the car but Jaemin could hear his heart hammering against his chest. He didn’t know what the other was thinking, he was scared of seeing what expression Jeno was wearing so his eyes looked anywhere but his friend’s face.

“I am not over him, Jaem.” Jeno mumbled voice soft.

“I know. I’m not hoping you’d like me back.” Jeno’s response was better than what Jaemin expected. He neither sounded angry, nor disgusted. “I’m sorry if this was all too sudden. I just… hated knowing you still wanted him back after everything he did.”

“I didn’t say I still wanted him back though. You assumed I begged him to be mine again?” There was amusement in Jeno’s voice that Jaemin couldn’t help but turn to him. There was a small smile on his face, no sign of sadness or disappointment.

“You didn’t?”

“I didn’t. I went to talk to him for closure.” Jeno assured him. “We’re here, what do you want to eat?”

Jaemin looked around and saw that they were in McDonald’s drive thru. “I’ll have nuggets and fries.” He answered, finally smiling.

They got their food and continued driving back to his dorm. Jaemin didn’t feel sad even though he was obviously rejected. He didn’t feel any regret either. He knew, after this night, he’d still be Jeno’s friend. He felt better now that he was able to tell the older his feelings for him, felt better that Jeno seemed to finally accept that he didn’t deserve how that guy treated him.

**That night was the first time in a while that Jaemin didn’t go to sleep with a heavy heart.**

**That night, Jeno didn’t cry himself to sleep.**

* * *

**It was September 1st and the weather was starting to get cold.** He liked the cold. He liked how it didn’t hurt his skin as much as summer heat did.

It was probably around 4 in the morning. The sun isn’t even out yet but here he was, sitting inside Jeno’s car humming to the song being played on the radio.

He was only wearing a hoodie and a sweatpants, a pillow around his neck as he drowsed off. They’ve been driving for an hour now and he still didn’t have a single clue where they were heading to.

Jeno texted him last night saying he’ll pick him up at dawn, not disclosing any other information. The older looked too excited for someone who woke up at 2:30am; Jaemin didn’t have the heart to say no to whatever Jeno was planning.

He jolted awake when he felt the vehicle slowing down before it eventually stopped. He looked out of the window and saw that the sky was lighter, indicating it was already near sunrise. They were parked at the side of a coastal road, he could spot a port straight ahead. It was still too dark to see the shore, but he could hear the waves.

“Why did we have to travel two hours away from the city if we could’ve just gone to our usual spot if you wanted to visit the sea?” Jaemin asked, salt air was crisp on his skin as he opened the door to get off the car.

Jeno was also fast to unbuckle his seatbelt and followed Jaemin, a huge grin on his face. “We would always go see the sunset. I want to see the sun rising today.”

The younger sat on the concrete barrier facing Jeno who was standing in front of him, gazing at the sea as their surroundings started getting brighter. “Isn’t it easier to just catch the sunset than wake up this early to see the sun rise?”

“The sunrise symbolizes new beginnings, while the sunset symbolizes farewells. I’ve been spending the past few months saying goodbye to a chapter of my life that closed. It’s time to welcome a new one.”

Jaemin stood up beside him and turned towards the sea. It was calm as it waited for the giant orb of light rise from the horizon. The sky was starting to turn from gray to orange.

“You’re here to set yourself free?”

Jeno grinned. “I am setting myself free.”

_**It was September first. Yesterday was August. The weather wasn’t hot on his skin and he liked the smile on Jeno’s face. It was enough.** _

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY SEEN THE BEFORE TRILOGY IM SORRY IF THAT PART WAS WEIRD. special thanks to ate ross for helping me pick the movie! clai and noa too! 
> 
> i started this when folklore was released and didn't expect I'd actually finish this. sometimes i write things just so i can get it out of my system, they'd stay as wip until i eventually forget about them. i'm sorry i could not reply to everyone asking me for updates about my other fics, but I decided not to continue them. if I ever feel like updating them in the future, i'd probably have to rewrite everything because I hate how they turned out. 
> 
> thank you for giving this a read! you can scream at me on twitter [@nominfinity](https://twitter.com/nominfinity)


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